In life we have different potions for different things. It may sound like something ancient or even from a fantasy world of magic witches but think about it. For a moment you're tired in need of a pick me up and decide to drink a cup of coffee. Everything that seemed extremely hard to do in an instant seems easy and you gain a bit of clarity. With just like any other drug you might become very fond of coffee as a potion to cure your lack of energy and motivation. Being that you will now crave your cup of coffee everyday and if not careful you could even abuse it so your body will ask for more and more. With that idea in mind I'll bring you into my own when writing this particular song...
I really really wished I had a cute love story to tell you about this song. Seems like its the perfect pop ballad for a couple who's falling in love, doesn't it? ... The truth is that my songs usually come from a very deep place in me ,and it forces me to be brutally honest about something I don't like to think or talk about. Well, that was my warning...so proceed carefully as you might find something dark about yourself in the next lines below.
If you have an access to the internet you probably have heard of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Yeah, that's a condition that I have and have been the biggest issue in my life for the longest time. But chill out, I'm not going to tell you a story to fell sorry for me so I can get those sympathy points that so many "influencers" crave. In fact, I won't tell you what kind of OCD I have because I'm not comfortable discussing it, and its not relevant for this matter. What I'll tell you is that my brain can be obsessive with multiple things and I've observed patterns in my behavior to keep myself from developing other habits that can be problematic.
I used to be way less in control of it in my younger days. Aside from my more serious habits, I could spend days or months, not concentrating, but obsessing over a task, a thing, a song or even a person. Whenever this pattern started I felt like I could live without it and it was part of my identity.
I never really had many close friends as I tend to shift my focus to one single person. When someone was involved I felt like they were part of that routine I created and if I was rejected I would get extremely anxious. And when I started dating, that obviously would scare many people away from me haha. Sometimes I would give too much love, too much attention to someone who didn't deserved it and honestly didn't want any of that. That made me feel awful and selfish, but it I wasn't fully aware or in control. Trust me, I've learned my lesson on respecting others' space and taking care of my business eventually.
As I grew I found many people with similar clinical issues online and in real life. I heard their stories and that made me feel safer and ok with being such a weirdo. I believe I'll never be completely free of my OCD mind and I have to watch myself closely so I don't fall in its traps. It's a very dangerous place and it can get very dark very fast. Especially when you're involving someone else, agreed?
Now that you have a background I assume you know where I'm going. This song digs deep into a very very large wound. It hurts right now more than ever, to make this song, a materialization of my biggest vulnerability. But, at the same time I feel like I made peace with my mind. The raw and brutal honesty helped me make sense of something so difficult to understand. Also, to accept me as I am and move on to be better with patience and love. I hope you you can assess your heart and be kinder to yourself today.
ps: I'm not here to "influence". I'm simply sharing my story. You know what's better for you and your life already. If you relate to this post let us know your story as well.